The Playbook
of the Darkness

We are in the middle of darkness. All of us. And all our job, initially, is to find our own light. It is hidden in the darkness, in matter itself, in what our bodies are made of, in what the darkness takes up shape and form.

Step one is really, really learning how to discern and recognise what is darkness. Having this aspiration for light, and then just choosing light again and again. That is where it begins.

The darkness does not need to win in one move. It does not need to convince you to do something terrible. It does not need you to become a bad person. All it needs is a crack. One small opening. One moment where your awareness drops. One place where your boundary softens. One question you entertain for just a second too long. That is enough.

Because the darkness does not enter through your worst qualities. It enters through your best ones. Your curiosity. Your compassion. Your desire to understand. Your willingness to hold space for someone else’s pain. Your intellectual sophistication. Your very goodness.

That is the part that makes it dangerous. If it came wearing the face of evil, you would slam the door. So it comes wearing the face of your own virtues.

And it targets the layers of the human being in a specific order, for a specific reason. This is not random. This is architecture.

For me, the darkness first came for my body.

I remember a kind of pain in the abdominal region, and immediately the ask was that whatever this heaviness is inside me, whatever this darkness, I could just birth it out and I could just let it go.

That was the first stand I took.

I said I would never ever use my womb for birthing darkness. My womb was not for the darkness. My womb was only for birthing things of light.

I did not want to birth demons. I did not want to birth beings that would then cause harm to others. I did not want to bring more darkness into this realm, onto this planet. If at all I was going to be used for birthing, it was only for light.

I told the Mother, “Mother, you will not use me for this.”

I actually said no to the Mother. And I said, “You will find other daughters who will do this, but I am not consenting to this anymore. I will only be a daughter of the light. I will only bring light into this realm, and I reject everything else.”

That is your work: just sit with it inside and transform it into light, because every bit of inner darkness has a corresponding light principle. You take any lower nature vibration that is dark, that has not yet seen the light, and instead of accepting it and owning it, you just convert it. That is the alchemy, that is the power you have.

That was a call I made: I am not going to do any more birthing of darkness through my womb.

Once it realised it could not come for my body, that my body was not going to give consent, it came for my mind.

I could see how it was trying to gain access. It was like this huge force, completely dark, completely devoid of any light, just all-consuming and trying to consume everything in its way and just become bigger and bigger just by consumption. It was trying to find a breach into my mind because, again, an entry into my mind would have allowed it to expand into my reality and then to consume my reality and lead that reality into nothingness and destruction.

It kept trying to breach my mind. And I kept battling with just that one word: no.

That was the battle the entire night after it attempted to take the womb. The entire night was a battle for the mind. Eventually it became a battle for the Soul, but that was much later, towards dawn.

But before I describe how it attacked, you need to understand why the mind is such a vulnerable target.

The mind is a very interesting instrument. It is very curious. The mind wants to learn, and learning is how it evolves by accessing newer and newer information. That is food. Like, for the body, how physical food, matter itself, gives it life force. For the mind, information is food. It seeks information so that it can grow, so that it can become bigger, so that it can expand, so that it can become stronger, and can nourish itself and evolve. The mind is always seeking information and knowledge. The mind is always asking why.

Now, the darkness knows this. And in fact the darkness knows your mind sometimes even better than you do, because we go through our days in complete unconsciousness sometimes. We are not even conscious of all the thoughts that are coming into our mind, all the different things, all the actions, all the behaviours that we are then taking based on those thoughts. We are so unconscious throughout the day. Most humans go through the day like zombies. Instagram and TikTok and Facebook and social media have made it worse. It allows us to be more unaware and more unconscious as we endlessly doom scroll.

The mind is always seeking, but you can either seek with conscious awareness, or you can completely be oblivious to that. The darkness outside of you knows everything that is going on in your mind way better than it understands the body.

And so, once it had access to the battlefield of the mind, it began deploying its hooks. One after another. Each one calibrated to a different vulnerability. Each one more sophisticated than the last.

This is the taxonomy of the darkness. These are the six strategies it used on me that night, in sequence. And these are the same six strategies it uses on every human being, every day, in forms so ordinary you do not recognise them as attacks.

It first tried to show me how it was created, and with that it seemed as if I was getting enmeshed and engulfed in the darkness, sucked into the quagmire like quicksand — and in doing so was opening up the doors of my mind because I wanted to understand why the darkness had happened. But that is what would have allowed the darkness entry, so I closed that door. I did not give a fuck. I did not care why the darkness was created. All I knew was my purpose: a battle for my body, done. I battled for my mind. I said this mind would be made up of only light and only light and only light. The only thing that will exist in this mind is higher and higher grades of light.

“I am not interested in knowing your story.”

Then, after that, it kept trying to pull me into that loop of trying to understand why it was created, to see how it was created, because if I began to acknowledge how it was created and that it existed, then I could get pulled into it and become a part of it. I said no to that.

Then, very interestingly, it began tempting me. It began offering me success and fame and lots of wealth and lots of abundance. More than abundance, it began offering me wealth in the form of money. Its claim was that if I let the darkness in, I could have access to unlimited money along with success, it said I would be famous, a public figure on a pedestal.

It was a call to embrace the darkness so that then, as an outcome, I would receive all of those things. Because in our reality, in the matrix that we live in right now, when you use twisted methods or when you use lower nature methods, you will see external success far more easily. Manipulation, coercive control, all of those things — feeding the masses what they want to hear, telling them the narrative that they like to hear, choosing to live a lie, which is entirely lower nature, which is entirely darkness. Choosing to live that lie, and I was being promised fame and success. And it was insane what was being shown and what I could achieve.

I obviously did not want that. So I said, “No, fuck you, I don’t want this, and I don’t care about this. My only, only, only mission and job is to serve the Mother and to serve the Divine. I am here for light, and I am here for light work. If that means no success, no fame, nothing, I will still do that. I don’t care about these things.”

It told me that if I let the darkness take over, then all of the pain and all of the suffering I had experienced would just disappear. Because I would not feel anything. I did not need to suffer anymore. I did not need to feel the pain anymore. It would just take it in its lap, and I would be in this vast, unending, comfortable deep sleep without feeling a thing.

It showed me all the pain. And this is where it engaged me, because it made it personal. It made it about me. It tried to show me all the pain I had experienced in this lifetime, the pain of all of the collective. It said that if I let it in, it could make the collective pain vanish as well, and no one needed to feel that.

It tried to show me that God was absent. That the Divine Masculine was not here. Because if God was here, He would not have allowed so much pain and suffering for His creation to experience. The only one who could anesthetise and make it feel as if all was okay was the darkness. It took on a lover’s voice, soothing and cajoling, saying all I had to do was let go. All I had to do was just let it take over, and I would be free of everything. Many, many humans had just succumbed to the pleasure of not feeling pain anymore. And I could choose to do that and I would really feel liberated and free.

I said no. Because light does not hide. Light does not seek comfort. Light goes into uncomfortable places and shines through the discomfort and looks for what is hidden there. My pain and my suffering were the catalyst that had taken me to the Divine, and that was what was creating growth. I would choose growth and I would choose evolution, no matter how uncomfortable it was, over being just comfortably numb and dead, any time, lifetime after lifetime. Because I was here to evolve.

Once I said no to fame and money and the pedestals of success, then the darkness started trying to show me how it was lonely and it had been created.

It tried to use all of its sadness to get me to feel sad for it, get me to feel pity for it, get me to feel compassionate about it. If I started feeling all of these things, I would then embrace it.

It kept showing me how the Mother had created it, but that She had completely forgotten it. And then it said that since the Mother had forgotten it, where should it go? I could be its mother and I could give it space, and all it needed was some love and a home.

That was a compelling argument. For me to see that something was so starved of love, and to see that what it was asking for was compassion for its existence. It was a really, really compelling argument.

And then my mind wandered off there a little bit. Again, because I was in this heightened state of conscious awareness, I realised that my mind had gotten hooked to that story because that was one of my feelings that has always been my vulnerability in the past for opening up my boundaries and letting shit people come in. When I realised that was happening, I said, “No, fuck you. I don’t even care about this. If the Mother created you, the Mother will take care of you. It is not my problem. The collective darkness is not something I am going to harbour inside of me. The only one who can fill you up with love is the Mother, not me. So stop asking me to take you inside and hold you, because this is not a space for you. This is a temple for the Divine, and I will only hold space for the Divine light and nothing else.”

And then it realised that it could not get a hook in. It started trying to label me as cold and unfeeling. It started trying to make me feel that I was not a true warrior because I did not have the capacity to hold it in. It tried to shame me and guilt me into accepting it: how could I be so selfish, and how could I be an instrument of the Mother if I was saying no to one of Her creations?

That is when I spoke to the Mother and I said, “Mother, no. You have all kinds of daughters. You have enough daughters who are dark daughters who only create the darkness and adverse forces as your instruments of teaching. I am not that daughter. I am actively choosing to not be that daughter. You can find other beings to hold all of this darkness. But I am saying no to it. I am only going to serve Him, and I am only going to be a daughter of the light.”

You could give me labels. You could call me one-sided. That is what the darkness was trying to show me, that I was not complete. But then I remembered the writings — that we must reject all lower nature. On one hand, if we call the Divine to come and consecrate us and clean us up and to take us up higher and higher, and on the other side, if we keep opening ourselves to the undivine forces, then at some point there is no point in doing the sadhana anymore. The sadhak has to keep rejecting those forces and keep only aligning to the higher light.

I truly understood what that meant. It was not really about disgust or any of that for the lower nature, but to completely and totally seal yourself up as a unit, only to the light, and not allow any of the external collective to enter you again.

In its later attempts, the darkness said that I was doing a disservice to the whole of creation. The Divine Itself had created light and dark, and now I was rejecting Him by rejecting one aspect of His creation. That of course both light and dark are divine creations, and by rejecting darkness was I then rejecting the Divine, my creator Itself?

That is when the idea of consent became even more clear. While we follow Divine will, each of us has been given enough free will to choose which aspect of the Divine game or play we are going to participate in.

At this point, I actually reached both Him and Her, the Ishwara and the Shakti. And I sat there through the struggle, through the fight, through the battle, and I told them both: “I am done bringing darkness into this world, into this planet. I will serve you. I am here for that. But I will only serve the light. Only the light and nothing else. Only light.”

It takes real courage and real strength and real power to sit in front of God and say that. “Listen, this is what I am going to do for you all my life, and this is not something I am going to do. You can find others to do it.”

And then, back again, the darkness was now trying to use images of Mahakali to show me how She held all of the darkness inside Her.

I told the darkness that while the Mahakali force is strong within me, I serve the light Mahakali, the Golden Mahakali, the One that is a pure, pure instrument of the light. And I do not serve the darkness. I do not serve the version of Kali that lower nature humans have accommodated. That is for them, and She is all powerful there as well. But for me, I only serve the Golden Kali, the highest of the highest version.

And that is true of all the overmental beings. The overmental beings I will partner with are the overmental beings that are totally aligned to truth and light and consciousness and bliss. Those versions of the overmental beings, while humans give the same names to all, are different. That was another discernment I made.

It continued. It did not really give up. It continued to look for a breach, to look for a vulnerability, to look for a hook inside of my mind.

It found someone I loved, my romantic, intimate partner of seven years, inside my mind. And at that point I entirely surrendered the concept, the construct of him to the Mother. I told the Mother to take his pain, take his darkness. Everything that I was holding inside me, all his pain and his lower nature traits, everything that I chose to hold to help him and ease his pain. I handed it off to the Mother. I told the Mother, “He is now with you. He is sitting with you. It is between you and him now. I don’t need to hold any of him inside me anymore.”

I surrendered him to the Mother.

I could see the others were battling their own darknesses. I asked the Mother to help them, protect them, show them the path, show them the truth and the light.

To me I was a diamond shining inside a dark, deep coal mine. And it was only my light that was lighting up the entire coal mine.

And then of course it came for the final attack. What about all the darkness within you?

It tried to show me all of that. And it then said that because I hold it inside me, it is my friend also. Like, it is inside you, therefore I am your friend. How you call out to light, I am within you and you should be allowing me to sit inside you because the darkness is your friend.

And I had to realise that yes, why they hold the darkness within me: because I am made of matter. And the matter of this current world is mixed. It is not pure light. It is generations and generations and millennia and millennia of a lower nature trying to rise up and then collapsing back into itself, much like sludge. It tries to rise but there is not enough light to anchor it and therefore it collapses back. So this is the matter that has been used to form us.

And yes, the darkness exists within me. In my genetics, in my lineage, within my family, within the constructs that I had accepted in the past and that are now part of my mind, my nervous system and my body. There is no doubt that it exists inside me.

But there my job is to transmute it. There my job is to bring light into it and convert it into light. So whatever darkness within me, I just continue to anchor more and more light so that inside me it transmutes, inside me it becomes light, inside me the undivine becomes Divine.

But just because I hold it inside me does not mean I let the collective thing come into me.

And again I made a promise to both: that I will continue to transform and transmute within me. And that is how others have to do it. Every individual has to transform it within themselves. They become carriers of light. And automatically enough light from within each shines out, and in their universal field, now, only light. And that is how we dissipate the darkness. Not by allowing it inside of us and continuously allowing it to ferment and rot.

The no, I said no so many times. I said no loudly. I said no softly. I said no in a whimper. I said no in a scream. It was just no. And only yes to truth and light.

Now while the mind was battling, the body was really tired because I was doing this work through the night. And then the darkness somehow realised that as long as the body was holding guard, the mind could also hold guard. It tried to lull me into sleep. I knew if I slept, if I lost conscious awareness, it would find some way into the mind through the subtle realms.

So my body told my mind that no matter what, I am not sleeping tonight. I am going to stay awake. I am going to protect you. I am going to guard you. If the mind just starts wandering because it is tired, I am going to wake you up again. And I am going to send you signals that show the mind that the mind is being breached.

And I do recollect that at some point I really felt tired. And I still had a lot of the medicine inside of me. And the body then chose to reject the medicine, because the medicine was trying to let the darkness in.

Now this is where I feel, if you are not sufficiently grounded, and if you have not really done the inner work, plant medicines can be dangerous. Because I did feel that the medicine was corrupted as well. The medicine was just being a neutral participant. Not choosing one side. I had to choose the side. I had to choose the light. But the medicine herself was very neutral, and it could go either way.

Because the darkness was not winning against me, it started using the medicine to tilt the scale, to push to see how much more I could battle it out. It seemed like I was so tired, because this was a full night’s battle. It seemed like I did not know if I would be able to hold out any longer.

And this is where I also realised that what the darkness was truly trying to do is use the mind to go inside and to understand the codes of creation. Because its entire thing is to destroy creation, to end the light, so that only it will exist. In the absence of light is where it feels the most comfortable.

It was trying to weaken my mind so much, along with the medicine, that at some point I would submit and yield. And when the body realised that that is what it was trying to do, after such a long battle, the body just threw out the excess medicine. I found my strength.

So I purged. It was not a purging of anything other than just letting the excess medicine out and deciding that I was done. No more. And I will not weaken myself beyond this, because the unit had done its job.

Before this, though, before I purged the medicine out, the darkness was trying to understand my design and my system. And now looking at me as a really, really strong adversary. And it looked for what was powering my mind. It looked for what is it inside of me that was making me choose light again and again.

And it saw the Soul.

Trying to barge through. Not like before, where it had arguments and discussions and was trying to gain my consent. It tried to take through brute force.

And I shrieked a NO so loud that the light just shone out and dispelled all of the darkness around me. Because my Soul is the most precious thing. It is not something I will ever give up.

And this is where I went back to both the Mother and Him. And I told Him that I will not let the darkness in. And if you want me to do that, if you want me to be a daughter of the darkness, you will have to end this existence. In this life, in this particular form, I am saying no. And if that is against your design and that is against your will, kill me now.

And then I heard the Mother’s voice saying it was a test, and you passed it.

Mother, what kind of a test is this? What were you testing me for? I don’t understand this. Why did you have to test me so much to see if I would let the darkness in?

She said that for the work She needs to do, She needs absolutely pure beings of light. And the corruption of the darkness is so intelligent that it masks itself and it hides. Sometimes She needs to test. And only if the test is successfully passed will the next gifts come, will the next blessings come, will the next order of evolution come.

There are so few of us. So few. Even in the ones chosen by them both. Even in the ones who are doing their work. There are so few of us that would truly, truly pass a test like this.

I actually stood up to the Divine and said no. And told Him to take my life if this is what He wanted me to do.

But it is the next morning, it is the next ceremony, when I really got deeper clarity on why that test and what She is going to use me for in the future.

Now I understand why that was needed.

The Mother’s path is the sunlit path. It is the only path that will take you to the Divine. If we don’t learn to reject the darkness, we will forever be struggling in this realm and in this timeline where darkness is mixed with light and then you are constantly fighting that.

What became clear to me after that night is that the way most people try to do light work is exactly backwards.

They try to rescue. They try to take someone else’s darkness inside themselves and transmute it. They try to absorb the collective pain and alchemise it in their own body. They believe that being a container for everyone’s suffering is the highest form of service.

The work is to be done by just becoming more and more a deeper, wider, more concentrated container of light. And just shining that light outwards through words, through actions, through the reality you create. Just fill your reality with more and more light so that the ones who see that reality, the ones that see you beaming light out like this, living a light-fuelled life, will be curious. Their minds will ask why, because that is the design of the mind.

And we then show that, and it is their call whether they want to pick this path or not.

And everyone who sees your light and feels the aspiration rise within them has to do their own work. Has to fight their own battle. Has to say their own no. There are no shortcuts. There is no one who can do it for you.

And the mistake I have made in the past is of course choosing the light as often as possible — and that is why the Pity and Sympathy hook was very compelling. Feeling that I had to bring along everyone with me and it was my job to hold and to fill them up with light, without realising that was allowing a desecration of the adhara, of the temple that I am holding.

I will shine my light out. But I am not letting the darkness in.

The darkness has a playbook. Now you have seen it.

Six hooks. Curiosity. Temptation. Comfort. Pity and Sympathy. Shame. Philosophy. In that order. Escalating in sophistication. Each one calibrated to a different human virtue.

This is not something that happened to me in ceremony and has nothing to do with you. This is something that is happening to you right now.

The friend who keeps pulling you into their chaos because you feel guilty saying no. That is Hook Four and Hook Five working together. Pity to open the door. Shame to keep it open.

The career opportunity that requires you to compromise something you believe in, but the money is so good and the platform is so big. That is Hook Two. Temptation. The shortcut that costs you your coherence.

The drink at the end of the day that you tell yourself you need. The scroll that numbs you for three hours. The relationship you stay in because leaving would mean feeling everything you have been avoiding. The voice that says you have suffered enough, you deserve to stop fighting, just let go. That is Hook Three. Comfort. The anesthetic for a wound that was designed to wake you up.

The endless analysis of why your childhood was the way it was, why your parents did what they did, why you are the way you are — the therapy that never ends because understanding has become a substitute for transformation. That is Hook One. Curiosity as a trap.

The spiritual teacher who tells you that you need to embrace your shadow, hold space for your darkness, love every part of yourself including the parts that are destroying you. That is Hook Six. The philosophical trap. Using a partial truth to deliver a complete lie.

And the voice inside you that says the darkness is just a part of who you are, that you should accept it, that fighting it is resistance and resistance is bad. That is the most dangerous hook of all. Because it is partially true. The darkness is within you. But it is within you so you can transmute it. Not so you can make peace with it and let it sit there, rotting, taking up space in a temple that was designed for light.